diamond geezer

 Sunday, December 03, 2017

London's Christmas Fairs

If Christmas shopping is getting you down, why not spend your money at a holly-bedecked plywood chalet instead? London has several festive market clusters, so I've been to six, ensuring that my Scroogier readers don't have to.

Christmas by the River



When: 30 November 2017 - 3 January 2018
Where: Along the south bank of the Thames between London Bridge and Tower Bridge.
Scale: Elongated, like a long string of tinsel.
Official description: "a wintery dreamland in an unparalleled London location"
Reality: Several dozen chalets (in seven zoned clusters) selling food, drink and gifts, in approximately equal measure. Not especially Teutonic.
Access: Loads of space at the City Hall end, but rather more squashed at the other.
Clientele: Crowds of couples and families sweeping through like a swarm of Yuletide locusts. Quite touristy.
What to buy: A woolly hat, assuming you're one of the minority of visitors not wearing one already. A small illustrated tin some unfortunate relative will be getting for Christmas. Award-winning cheese. Crystals and rotating wooden things.
What to eat: A wide range of culinary options, from chocolate marshmallows to ostrich burgers, plus a Fudge Emporium and something to do with Yorkshire puddings.
Cost of a mulled wine: £6 at one end of the market, £4.95 at the other (and no sign of alcohol inbetween)
Cost of a bratwurst: £7.50 (they saw you coming)
Bonus features: Several stalls and barrows under cover at Hays Galleria. An Eis Bar, so you can drink alcohol in colder temperatures than it is outside. An Elpless Elves Adventure Trail, for kids. Later in the month a free 'How To Propose at Christmas Workshop' with Daisy Amodio.
Verdict: Plenty to explore. Not too tacky. Enough refreshment variety to satisfy the most disparate party.

Southbank Centre Winter Market



When: 2 - 30 December 2017
Where: The South Bank between Waterloo Bridge and the Royal Festival Hall.
Scale: Smaller than anticipated, like an over-wrapped present.
Official description: "Nordic-inspired wooden chalets filled with festive food, drinks, gifts and treats for all"
Reality: A set of decorated sheds selling mostly food, apart from under Hungerford Bridge where it's giftier.
Access: Straightforward, although a bit squashed if approaching past the human statues near the London Eye.
Clientele: All the usual people who'd normally be mulling around the South Bank, and then some.
What to buy: A suspiciously high proportion of lighting-related objects, including lots of candles, those flimsy star-shaped lampshades, and a hipster stall selling artisan lightbulbs.
What to eat: More a typical street-food selection than anything especially festive, from pad thai to raclette.
Cost of a mulled wine: £4.95 (or rather more for a mulled cider inside the sponsored Cider Lodge).
Cost of a bratwurst: £8 (that's for a Wild Boar & Apple hot dog inside Jimmy Garcia's two-storey pop-up, allegedly "the ultimate alpine foodie retreat", but I think Trades Descriptions would have a lot to say about that).
Bonus features: Igloos! Assuming, that is, you're willing to believe that four geodesic frames covered in plastic are igloos, and fancy paying a minimum of £600 so that passers-by can watch your party snacking on gravlax and fondue.
Verdict: Disappointingly ordinary. Over-popular.

Christmas in Leicester Square



When: 10 November 2017 - 7 January 2018
Where: Leicester Square, obvs.
Scale: Squished and compact, like a pig in a blanket.
Official description: "transforms the centre of bustling London into a wonderland"
Reality: A couple of dozen festive-ish stalls swirled round an invisible fountain, plus a couple of entertainment venues, all rather obviously sponsored by Hilton hotels.
Access: There are two entrances. Security will go through your bags.
Clientele: Those emerging from the M&Ms store, and everyone else who's in the area.
What to buy: Exactly the same star-shaped lampshades as on the South Bank, as if some kind of franchising is going on.
What to eat: Exactly the same Mini Pancakes stall as on the South Bank, as if some kind of franchising is going on.
Cost of a mulled wine: £4.50 (the cheapest I found anywhere)
Cost of a bratwurst: £5 (ditto - who'd have guessed?)
Bonus features: A Santa's Grotto which, from the outside, looks like a drab prefab. An alleged "tradtional 1920s spiegeltent", where you can pay £20 to watch burlesque and cabaret. A branded photo opportunity with skis and mufflers.
Verdict: A brief West End diversion, but nothing to go out of your way for.

The Winter Forest, Broadgate



When: 13 November 2017 - 31 January 2018
Where: Round the back of Liverpool Street station. Quite a long way back.
Scale: More a coppice than a forest.
Official description: "A fairytale adventure of film food and drinks"
Reality: A mini-experience inside a corral of fir trees covered in fake snow made from shredded paper.
Access: Expect to have been observed by several security personnel before you reach the entrance.
Clientele: Financial folk (and at weekends, their families).
What to buy: It's not really a stocking filler kind of venue.
What to eat: It's much more a food and drink venue, with log tables scattered outside a tented Bar & Grill, and private booths for bankers with a £250 minimum spend. The Yorkshire Pudding Wrap is allegedly "everyone's favourite festive dumpling".
Cost of a mulled wine: £5.50 outside the fir tree perimeter, and £6 inside.
Cost of a bratwurst: £6 (no frills)
Bonus features: A Tipi Cinema (which yesterday was screening Frozen, somewhat on the loud side). A short tunnel of pine fronds and fairy lights, specifically for selfie and family-group-shot purposes.
Verdict: More an after-work Narnia than a winter destination.

Winterville



When: 23 November 2017 - 1 January 2018
Where: Not Victoria Park this year, but Clapham Common.
Scale: Bulging within a protective belt, like Santa's waistline.
Official description: "London's alternative festive experience"
Reality: A sprawl of decking, half for intermittent food and entertainment, the other half a fairground.
Access: One entrance, near the pond. Bags will be searched. Free (unless it's after 6pm on Friday or Saturday, in which case £3).
Clientele: Immaculate families from Nappy Valley, and smart couples from Cla'ham. The contrast to last year in E3 is striking.
What to buy: Not a lot, giftwise, but the Wasted Chic Pop-up Designer Market has a Shoreditch vibe. All cash machines charge £2.50.
What to eat: Upmarket streetfood, flogged from professional-looking stalls and winnebagos. Crispy Squid. Shin Nuggets. White Men Can't Jerk. Pillowy soft Chinese buns. A free sample Pringle, dispensed by two ladies from a pretend rocket booster.
Cost of a mulled wine: They call it "Warm Wine" here, and it's a fiver.
Cost of a bratwurst: £6 from Winterville's most downmarket grill tent.
Bonus features: Lots. A fully fledged fairground with big wheel, Wild Mouse, spinny things and little rides for littl'uns. Another spiegeltent with a variety of wacky events. Ice rink. Crazy golf. Roller disco. It's all about the upselling.
Verdict: A fully-fledged social activity hub for the south London set. A touch impersonal.

Winter Wonderland
Been there: Done that.


<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>


click to return to the main page


...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan24  Feb24  Mar24
Jan23  Feb23  Mar23  Apr23  May23  Jun23  Jul23  Aug23  Sep23  Oct23  Nov23  Dec23
Jan22  Feb22  Mar22  Apr22  May22  Jun22  Jul22  Aug22  Sep22  Oct22  Nov22  Dec22
Jan21  Feb21  Mar21  Apr21  May21  Jun21  Jul21  Aug21  Sep21  Oct21  Nov21  Dec21
Jan20  Feb20  Mar20  Apr20  May20  Jun20  Jul20  Aug20  Sep20  Oct20  Nov20  Dec20
Jan19  Feb19  Mar19  Apr19  May19  Jun19  Jul19  Aug19  Sep19  Oct19  Nov19  Dec19
Jan18  Feb18  Mar18  Apr18  May18  Jun18  Jul18  Aug18  Sep18  Oct18  Nov18  Dec18
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17  Oct17  Nov17  Dec17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

» my flickr photostream

twenty blogs
our bow
arseblog
ian visits
londonist
broken tv
blue witch
on london
the great wen
edith's streets
spitalfields life
linkmachinego
round the island
wanstead meteo
christopher fowler
the greenwich wire
bus and train user
ruth's coastal walk
round the rails we go
london reconnections
from the murky depths

quick reference features
Things to do in Outer London
Things to do outside London
Inner London toilet map
20 years of blog series
The DG Tour of Britain
London's most...

read the archive
Mar24  Feb24  Jan24
Dec23  Nov23  Oct23  Sep23
Aug23  Jul23  Jun23  May23
Apr23  Mar23  Feb23  Jan23
Dec22  Nov22  Oct22  Sep22
Aug22  Jul22  Jun22  May22
Apr22  Mar22  Feb22  Jan22
Dec21  Nov21  Oct21  Sep21
Aug21  Jul21  Jun21  May21
Apr21  Mar21  Feb21  Jan21
Dec20  Nov20  Oct20  Sep20
Aug20  Jul20  Jun20  May20
Apr20  Mar20  Feb20  Jan20
Dec19  Nov19  Oct19  Sep19
Aug19  Jul19  Jun19  May19
Apr19  Mar19  Feb19  Jan19
Dec18  Nov18  Oct18  Sep18
Aug18  Jul18  Jun18  May18
Apr18  Mar18  Feb18  Jan18
Dec17  Nov17  Oct17  Sep17
Aug17  Jul17  Jun17  May17
Apr17  Mar17  Feb17  Jan17
Dec16  Nov16  Oct16  Sep16
Aug16  Jul16  Jun16  May16
Apr16  Mar16  Feb16  Jan16
Dec15  Nov15  Oct15  Sep15
Aug15  Jul15  Jun15  May15
Apr15  Mar15  Feb15  Jan15
Dec14  Nov14  Oct14  Sep14
Aug14  Jul14  Jun14  May14
Apr14  Mar14  Feb14  Jan14
Dec13  Nov13  Oct13  Sep13
Aug13  Jul13  Jun13  May13
Apr13  Mar13  Feb13  Jan13
Dec12  Nov12  Oct12  Sep12
Aug12  Jul12  Jun12  May12
Apr12  Mar12  Feb12  Jan12
Dec11  Nov11  Oct11  Sep11
Aug11  Jul11  Jun11  May11
Apr11  Mar11  Feb11  Jan11
Dec10  Nov10  Oct10  Sep10
Aug10  Jul10  Jun10  May10
Apr10  Mar10  Feb10  Jan10
Dec09  Nov09  Oct09  Sep09
Aug09  Jul09  Jun09  May09
Apr09  Mar09  Feb09  Jan09
Dec08  Nov08  Oct08  Sep08
Aug08  Jul08  Jun08  May08
Apr08  Mar08  Feb08  Jan08
Dec07  Nov07  Oct07  Sep07
Aug07  Jul07  Jun07  May07
Apr07  Mar07  Feb07  Jan07
Dec06  Nov06  Oct06  Sep06
Aug06  Jul06  Jun06  May06
Apr06  Mar06  Feb06  Jan06
Dec05  Nov05  Oct05  Sep05
Aug05  Jul05  Jun05  May05
Apr05  Mar05  Feb05  Jan05
Dec04  Nov04  Oct04  Sep04
Aug04  Jul04  Jun04  May04
Apr04  Mar04  Feb04  Jan04
Dec03  Nov03  Oct03  Sep03
Aug03  Jul03  Jun03  May03
Apr03  Mar03  Feb03  Jan03
Dec02  Nov02  Oct02  Sep02
back to main page

the diamond geezer index
2023 2022
2021 2020 2019 2018 2017
2016 2015 2014 2013 2012
2011 2010 2009 2008 2007
2006 2005 2004 2003 2002

my special London features
a-z of london museums
E3 - local history month
greenwich meridian (N)
greenwich meridian (S)
the real eastenders
london's lost rivers
olympic park 2007
great british roads
oranges & lemons
random boroughs
bow road station
high street 2012
river westbourne
trafalgar square
capital numbers
east london line
lea valley walk
olympics 2005
regent's canal
square routes
silver jubilee
unlost rivers
cube routes
Herbert Dip
metro-land
capital ring
river fleet
piccadilly
bakerloo

ten of my favourite posts
the seven ages of blog
my new Z470xi mobile
five equations of blog
the dome of doom
chemical attraction
quality & risk
london 2102
single life
boredom
april fool

ten sets of lovely photos
my "most interesting" photos
london 2012 olympic zone
harris and the hebrides
betjeman's metro-land
marking the meridian
tracing the river fleet
london's lost rivers
inside the gherkin
seven sisters
iceland

just surfed in?
here's where to find...
diamond geezers
flash mob #1  #2  #3  #4
ben schott's miscellany
london underground
watch with mother
cigarette warnings
digital time delay
wheelie suitcases
war of the worlds
transit of venus
top of the pops
old buckenham
ladybird books
acorn antiques
digital watches
outer hebrides
olympics 2012
school dinners
pet shop boys
west wycombe
bletchley park
george orwell
big breakfast
clapton pond
san francisco
thunderbirds
routemaster
children's tv
east enders
trunk roads
amsterdam
little britain
credit cards
jury service
big brother
jubilee line
number 1s
titan arum
typewriters
doctor who
coronation
comments
blue peter
matchgirls
hurricanes
buzzwords
brookside
monopoly
peter pan
starbucks
feng shui
leap year
manbags
bbc three
vision on
piccadilly
meridian
concorde
wembley
islington
ID cards
bedtime
freeview
beckton
blogads
eclipses
letraset
arsenal
sitcoms
gherkin
calories
everest
muffins
sudoku
camilla
london
ceefax
robbie
becks
dome
BBC2
paris
lotto
118
itv