diamond geezer

 Sunday, April 16, 2017

100 things to do on Easter Sunday (when the shops are closed)

Go to church, organise an egg hunt, stick CBeebies on and go back to bed, do brunch, do lots of gardening, dive into some well-intentioned DIY, sleep late, open all your Easter cards and Easter presents, decide to stay in because you've watched the weather forecast, decide to go out despite having watched the weather forecast, traffic jam, motorway service station, rail replacement bus, tube replacement bus, desperate hunt for a space in the car park by the beach, drive to IKEA forgetting it's closed, shop online because Amazon is always open, tidy up before the family descends, cook a roast that's almost Christmas sized, ask the in-laws for their wi-fi password, go out burgling because everyone's away, go for a drive to nowhere in particular just so you can say you've been out, live out of a suitcase far from home, go late night clubbing because there's Monday to recover, car boot sale, boxset on the sofa, vegetate in front of Sky Sport, switch to ITV+1 to watch the James Bond, read a good book, follow along and do whatever the forceful one in the family has planned, try to patch up your relationship for another weekend, take the kids to the animal sanctuary, let the kids scream around the back garden, queue outside the Natural History Museum, try to finish off yesterday's newspaper, go for a jog, take the dog for a walk, clean out the cat litter tray, swipe left, swipe right, halt the DIY because the wallpaper ran out and the shops are closed, do more gardening because have you seen the state of the borders, go to work because some jobs never stop, do some work because freelancers don't get holidays, crack off a bit of your Easter egg, succumb and eat the rest of the egg in 10 minutes flat, gorge on chocolate, wish you'd bought more chocolate before the shops shut, art gallery, minor museum, steam train, car rally, some sort of gathering with the word 'Egg' slapped on the front, ice cream, cream tea, a nice walk in the park, a nice walk in the country, a nice walk by the river, full-on mountaineering, bluebell hunting, National Trust house and tea room, wishing you'd brought your umbrella, ill-advised barbecue but you bought all the meat on Saturday when the weather looked better, put the central heating on, pub crawl, pop-up gin festival, micro-brewery, craft market, dodgy-looking stall selling pad thai in a tray, keep out of the rain by going to the cinema, stand morosely in a shuttered High Street shuffling between coffee shops, hospital visit, drive-through McDonalds, check your phone incessantly, panic because it looks like your battery will die before you get home, keep tabs on the Chelsea match, neck a couple of anti-depressants, find another excuse to eat more chocolate, sit listening to your uncle droning on about his aches and pains, sit listening to your auntie droning on about politics, there's probably still time to fit in a bit more gardening, get the Lego out, try not to think about Tuesday, check to see whether your Facebook friends are having a more exciting time than you are, plan how to use the next bank holiday weekend better, open another can of beer, down a Creme Egg in two bites, attend to your baby's every need because she has no idea what day it is, cajole the kids to design an Easter bonnet, wish you had more friends who hadn't dashed off for the weekend, wish you had more friends, tea and a page of sudokus, sit in a comfy chair and look out of the window, fail to remember who you were, keep an eye on the latest insanity on Twitter, keep your fingers crossed that Donald Trump is busy playing golf again, wonder whether there'll be an Easter next year, stockpile canned goods for the fallout shelter, pray, eat more chocolate because what the heck.


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